My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize