I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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