Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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