im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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