He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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