I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize