You're so nebulous sometimes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
