just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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