Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
