I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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