I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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