and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
