Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
