i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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