i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
