And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
