So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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