just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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