You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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