My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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