was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
