Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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