half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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