I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Rumble strips road head = magical
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
