It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
