They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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