am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
