You smell like a Billy Joel song
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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