Do you still have your period?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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