Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
