??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
