He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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