I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
