On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
