Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
