making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
