why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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