he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
