she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
