i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
