on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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