lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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