I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
