We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
