She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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