I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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