You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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