my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
