Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
