the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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