at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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