apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
