so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
