Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
