Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
