do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
