I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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