Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
