I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
