we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
