My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
