are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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