mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
