I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
