so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
