I'm sorry my penis didn't work
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
