lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
