you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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