That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
