I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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