I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
