sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
